Perhaps the most massive destructive power is not nuclear-weapon on our planet but rather it is “ego”. As much as it is for now this weapon silently destroys person, relationships, work, money, spirituality, awareness. An egoist person is only likely to complain, blame, exaggerate, be hopeless, not able to trust anyone, not able to understand a situation intelligently, but will instead resort to other ways of wars, divorces, break-ups, judging others and his/her knowing as the only principle for truth and reality.
If we talk about ego, than there are many untouched and unknown phenomenon which a person needs to be aware of in order to understand by his/her own understanding and basis of its existence. Ego is like an air filled balloon which is inflated by feeding on our thoughts of fears, the more the fear is inside the more air a person fills in this balloon, it is like how puffer-fish, fills itself with water and seems huge to predators, in order to survive. A little ego is born when we get hurt in our life for the first time in our childhood or teenage, and slowly we feed this ego with more fears and start to close around from people and isolate ourselves inside a bubble which is invisible-inflated and has trans-formative effect in adult life.
Identification of Ego
- Blaming : The most important aspect of ego is that it never shows what really is, but instead shows how the person fears of what can be, people often react to it and start to blame others, they start to believe all the problems are of outside and thus it can be solved if others change their ways and themselves. We blame because we refuse to act positively and with love and fail to trust others for who they are.
- Complaining : Complaining is an act of human-race, people stand in huge ques in order to complain about some problem, almost everyone can complain something about their life or something which changed them for good or bad, humans have developed language mostly to complain. We complain because we refuse to grow, learn and understand.
- Hurt : When it comes to the psychological aspect of the pain, not the physical, we know that the pain is illusive. We tend to identify ourselves with this false identity which ego creates that anything which shatters that part of reality seems to shatter the whole person or even may seem as if it is the end of life now. We get hurt because we don’t accept ourselves.
- Lies : This includes everything, boasting, exaggerating, showing-false emotions, pretending to be something or someone, hiding things from people and most importantly falsely identifying other people’s reaction and to believe a certain expression is needed for a certain emotion or feeling to be in others. We tend to lie because we are insecure about ourselves and about how people might think of us.
Identification of non-egoist people:
- Listening : We should know and understand that what we may know of is not how really world could be, not how really something could be, listening is like a gift which only some people have patience for, a common study shows while people talking to each other, they are only 10% listening to the other but 90% they listen to “thoughts” or busy in imagining.We listen to obtain information ! We listen to understand ! We listen for enjoyment ! We listen to learn !
- Understanding : “I have everything I wanted — but I wanted all the wrong things.” – We need to define our “Core-Values” and “Emotional-needs”, should not keep emotions above core-values. Understanding others also requires understanding of ourselves, and finding our own potential within others. Everyone has emotions and failures, as well as celebrations and Success, it is a part of life and should be accepted as a wave and not the ocean in itself. When we complain we ride on a wave and believe all the ocean is that one wave, and we tend to become blind of all the Love and Positive things which comes into our life.
- Smile and Humour : To some it is a sign of happiness, but the study shows that mostly people who have pain tend to smile more as they are accepting and facing all the truths of life and thus heal in that very moment. People who are aware of their soul and heart in presence of love tend to smile and make others happy as well. The more the hurt is, the more they smile the more they heal self, the more they heal others.
- Truth : Basically there are two forms of truth, intrinsic and extrinsic – knowing about world and experiencing life is an extrinsic truth while the intrinsic truth consists of Love, freedom, pain, valuing everyone as same and one.
Specifically, ego utilizes five strategies that are known as the communication-blockers: tactics that complicate communication in order to prevent unity. These five ego-strategies are:
1. Interruption: stopping the continuity of a person’s thoughts by breaking into their speech
2. Projection: assuming you know what a person means by projecting your own meaning onto their words
3. Opposition: openly opposing what another person says to you
4. Expertitis (a word that cannot be found in the dictionary or in spiritual books): pretending to know all the answers and telling others what’s best for them
5. Control: trying to control another person’s thoughts and feelings without regard to their views and wishes
Curing Ego :
Mind is the cure and the disease in this case, repeated failures or success can drive our mind to believe in a false identity of our self, and thus we start to believe something which is not there as more real than what is, it very necessary to cure ego in our life, or at least experience life once above it, not being slave of “Ego” is the freedom from all types of sufferings and problems in our life, be it physical or psychological.
The five communication-enhancers include:
1. Probing: asking questions with the awareness that there is always more beneath the surface
2. Listening: hearing the meaning at a deeper level
3. Accepting: refraining from judgment and validating what you hear
4. Feeding Back: paraphrasing what you heard to ensure you heard correctly
5. Checking: asking for confirmation that messages you send are properly received
Unconditional love is when you love someone the way he or she is without rules, not the way you want him or her to be. Unconditional love is the only kind of love that fills you up. Unconditional love is when you love without expecting anything in return. It is when you love without trying to change someone’s behavior and personality.
Unconditional love is when you love your partner/friends/children/spouse/parents without trying to affect them. For example, don’t get upset at your partner if he or she forgets to do something for you. You might get upset at the behavior, but not at your partner. You have to distinguish between the action and the one who takes the action, being able to differentiate between the action and the doer is an important concept in every happy relationship. The action is something you might not like, but the doer is your partner whom you love with all of your heart and soul. This is one of the most important concepts in happy relationships and the basis of freedom from Ego.